5 Reasons to Date My Friend David
Hey, girl. Samantha here. Can we talk for a sec? This won’t take long.
(this is David )
Look, I know it’s a jungle out there. You’re scrolling and swiping through dating apps that read like a casting audition for a romance horror flick. Some guys slip into your DMs like they’re dying to be screenshot and uploaded to a Facebook group called “I am a rando on Tinder and these are my demands”. Do decent people even exist anymore? Well, guess what - I have some great news: the NYC dating scene just got a little more palatable because I know a pretty amazing single guy that I’d love for you to meet.
Now, before you roll your eyes (because I’m sure you’ve heard this before), please hear me out. I wouldn’t write this for just anyone. My buddy David just moved to NYC from Los Angeles, and he’s a total catch. Here’s why:
1. It takes .00000006 seconds to click with David
You know how sometimes you meet someone and it’s like pulling teeth to connect? Or worse, you ever find yourself in the sort of company that makes you wonder if you’re fly paper for the emotionally wounded? What if I told you that you never had to experience that again, like ever?
David is that rare sort of person who is instantly likable to everyone. He’s kind, witty, charming, fun, speaks at an agreeable volume… I dare you to spend five minutes with him and disagree. He has so many interesting stories to share, but he’s also a great listener. I promise - this is the kind of guy your friends wish you would just meet already, because they’ll want to hang with him too.
I’m going to give it to you straight: David is a smart guy. In fact, he has FOUR college degrees: in film, auto mechanics, a master’s in accounting, and an MBA. Even better, he’s not a pompous jerk about it, unlike this guy:
No, no. David is mad clever, but he uses his wits for good. Not only does this make him a steady partner in the professional sense (bro has a stable job), he’ll make you laugh until your cheeks hurt. And while he’s been known to drop a pun here and there amidst witty one-liners, his sense of humor is a bit more highbrow (in the best way), with just the right amount of darkness so it’s not like you’re about to be subjected to dad jokes the whole time.
On that note, David is also a jack of all trades - he knows a lot about a lot, and he can fix anything. Do you even know how uncommon that is nowadays? My husband had a micro-meltdown last week when he couldn’t get the TV to turn on. Seriously. And he’s one of the good ones.
3. The kids love him
Let’s face it - small humans know what’s up. They just see things that us grown ups can’t for whatever reason. So it’s a really good sign when you nab yourself a kid magnet. While David is not a dad (yet… he’s got the preliminary vibes though), he’s definitely open to the idea of having ankle-biters of his own someday. Some of his friends have even trusted him enough to care for theirs, and that should speak volumes because… parents today tend to think of their little ones like Louis XIV did of the Hope Diamond.
A very family-oriented type of lad, David grew up in Chicago with his two older sisters, all of them raised into fine, well-adjusted people by their lovely South African parents. Unlike my Netflix-series-in-the-making for a family, David’s tribe is actually normal. He was raised in a fun and easygoing household. In fact, just prior to moving to NYC, he had taken a trip with his whole fam to Israel for his nephew’s bar mitzvah.
4. He's a freak in the sheets
Get your mind out of the gutter, I’m talking about Excel sheets. He loves using and tracking everything in them, especially without a mouse. Maybe that’s part of the thrill, I don’t know. Does this matter? Yes, it matters and I’ll tell you why - it says something about his level of life tidiness. I don’t just mean his tax filings are probably a pristine work of art; it’s an indication of his attention to detail, reliability, and work ethic. As for the thing you thought I meant earlier, I can’t speak to that firsthand, but I’m sure David will get you where you need to go.
5. His friends (and even his friends' wives!) agree David is the total package
If David were a restaurant on Yelp, he’d get 5/5 stars. But don’t just take my word for it - here’s what others are saying:
So what are you waiting for? Get in touch before some other nice lady scoops him up!